Executive Leaders: the "Companion" theory!

"Would Bapu exist without Ba?" A question that I had put forth in one of my earlier postings..

Mr. President, Obama, starts his first official speech to the Congress, by saying, "My dear Congressmen, ... ... , and the first lady of the United States.." Reinforcing the locus of his personal strength..

The question of the existence of leaders, in absence of their pivotal support points.. I found a few relevant quotes to the answer in most unexpected places.. In the readings for one of my classes..

"Leaders cannot succeed on their own; even the most outwardly confident executives need support and advice. Without strong relationships to provide perspective, it is very easy to loose your way.

... ... After their hardest day, leaders find comfort in being with people on whom they can rely so they can be open and vulnerable. During the low points, they cherish the friends (read: relations) who appreciate them for who they are, not what they are. Authentic leaders find that their support teams (read: family) provide affirmation, advice, perspective, and call for course correction when needed.

... ... It starts with having at least one person in your life with whom you can be completely yourself, warts and all, and still be accepted unconditionally. Often, that person is the only one who can tell you the honest truth. Most leaders have their closest relationship with their spouses.. ... ..."

You might be wondering, where does this come from? This comes from the horses mouth, one of the most esteemed journals of executive world: Harvard Business Review.. Believe it or not, it is true!

("Discovering your authentic leadership, 2007, by Bill George, Peter Sims, Andrew N. McLean, and Diana Mayer, from Harvard Business Review, pp. 1-9)

Friendship

Friendship

We have genuine friendship
when it is based on true human feeling,
a feeling of closeness in which there is
a sense of sharing and connectedness.
I would call this type of friendship genuine,
because it is not affected by the increase
or decrease of the individual's
wealth, status, or power.
The factor that sustains the friendship is
whether or not the two people will have
mutual feelings of love and affection.
Genuine human friendship is
on the basis of human affection,
irrespective of your position.
Therefore, the more you show concern
about the welfare and right of others,
the more you are a genuine friend.
The more you remain open and sincere,
then ultimately the benefits will come to you.
If you forget or do not bother about others,
then eventually you will loose your benefit.

(By His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama)

thump..

thump.. thump.. thump..

I can hear my own heartbeats.. I can feel my heart banging against my rib cage.. the body is shuddering.. Sweaty palms.. And I suddenly wake up.. Shivering.. Feeling cold..

It feels like something is being taken away from me.. As if the dementors are sucking all my energy.. Yes, exactly that is how it can be described.. Something sucking out the soul..

A fear of loosing.. Loosing something that is way beyond the materialistic things around.. Loosing an opportunity to live.. Like, someone's pulling my life out of my hands..

But, now this has become a routine.. A phenomena that repeats, when ever I try to sleep..
I am scared.. Scared of sleeping anymore..

My throat's dry.. I'm still shivering.. I don't know what it is.. Why does it happen? Neither do I understand it, nor the one who understood it is to be seen anywhere around..

Where are you? Where are your protective arms? Where is the love you emanate? Where is the embrace, embrace of my life? The gentle warm grip, I cannot find it anymore..

Where are you?

You know it.. You know I need you.. I know, you need me too..
Please come back, save me if you can..

Incredible India

Kamakshi, Love ya for this forward..

For all those who are planning to visit my dear, incredible Indyaahh..

FAQ:

"
Apparently these are the answers to travel queries in India; the actual responses by the website officials who obviously have an excellent sense of humour! In any case, it's a hilarious read...

Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ....... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions..

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it.
Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in
Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all
year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
"

(Taken from an internet forward.. Images, courtesy Google!)
And.. I forgot to mention.. This email is thanks to an amazing friend of mine.. KAMAKSHI.. You rock.. (And sorry, missed you on the earlier post.. Love ya!)

Today's menu..

Wanna know today's Menu:

Starter: you've already guessed it..

Yes, it is pani puri.. :)



Main Course:
Dry potato vegetable
Mutter-paneer
Parantha, Methi Paratha, Roti
Boondi Raita
Papad

Dessert: Ras-malai..

(That's all about some culinary skills..) "What..?? You are coming.. Sure.. You are most welcome..." :)

Shama..

शमा में वो मस्ती कहाँ जो कि परवाने में है,
मज़ा जलने में नहीं, जल जल के मर जाने में है |

Does the candle have the carefree exuberance of the moth?
Fun lies not in burning to stay alight, but in dying for love..

(thanks to Manish Modi)

Free me..

Free me from the bonds of your sweetness, my love! No more of this
wine of kisses.
This mist of heavy incense stifles my heart.
Open the doors, make room for the morning light.
I am lost in you, wrapped in the folds of your caresses.
Free me from your spells, and give me back my manhood to offer you my
freed heart.

- Rabindranath Tagore

Bengali writer, India's first Nobel Laureate
(1861 - 1941)

Ilahi..

इलाही उनके हिस्से के भी ग़म मुझ को अता कर दे
कि उन मासूम आँखों में नमी देखी नहीं जाती |
- सीमाब अकबराबादी

O lord, allow me to take on her share of sorrow too,
For I cannot bear to see wetness in those innocent eyes..!!
- Simaab Akbarabadi

(Thanks to Manish Modi)

Emmanuel's story..

"War Child" got many reactions from all.. Thanks! Yes, I had an opportunity to meet Emmanuel in person, and hear his story firsthand. Yes, he did rap for us, and it was mind blowing.. The whole auditorium was on feet.. You guys wanna meet Emmanuel? Let me present to you, my rendezvous with Emmanuel..


An excerpt from a paper I had to write for a class:

"The presentation titled, “Performance for Peace: A Diary of Darfur” was an opportunity to make myself aware of the conflict in the Sub-Saharan Africa. Emmanuel Jal, a former child soldier, and a current hip-hop artist presented his story from the war torn region of Sudan. His struggle for survival, the story of pain and anguish, the tears of loss and agony touched every individual present in the packed Memorial Hall. The standing ovation he received spoke of the admiration for the will power of humans to survive all odds. His story was one of the most extreme stories I have ever heard. One of the incidences he narrated was about how, when he was starving for a few days in row, he had a thought of eating his own friend, who was himself dying of hunger. Emmanuel, then a child, saw an adult in his group eating dead people around, and so, in utter despair, accepted it as a fact. The personal conflict he went through, to arrive to this conclusion, and the innocent demand to God to save him of this sin, brought to light the innate goodness in every human being. His conflict was resolved, when incidentally within a few hours, he could shoot a crow to feed his hunger. But, this could not save his friend, who was too weak to survive. "

So, if you have not yet laid your hands on the book, 'oh mann', what are you doing?? ;)

Seriousness

I seem to be engulfed by this word, seriousness. Mind you, not in my actions in real life, nor in my thoughts.. But, in this virtual world of blogging!

Since last few days, I have been planning to tell you all about my 'culinary skills' (insert prefix: terrible), but, every day seems to be serving me with new topics, that I literally, and factually, end up not dealing with food or cooking.. ;)..
More than food, I seem to be gulping down the word: Conflict..

One day, it is Darfur and Sudan, the other day, it is the war in Iraq. After the conceptual travel through Darfur, then Iraq, I suddenly find myself in Afghanistan.. The journey further takes me to Bangladesh, and then, I found myself in Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) today.. No need to mention, my dear "India" in this whole picture.. It seems, the world is so full of conflict, that the "Chaos theory" of metaphysics is coming to life! And, it is coming to my life more than ever from every individual I am meeting.. From Nobel Peace Laureate, Prof. Muhammad Yunus; to Iraqi journalist, Muhammad Abdullah Fadaam; to former child soldier from Sudan, Emmanuel Jal; to today's meeting with the former adviser to the President of DRC and UN official, Dr. Nzongla, the peace fellowship is supposed to be serving its purpose!

But you know what, I had assumed that this fellowship will give me answers to many questions.. I am not sure about answers, but it is questioning my fundamentals, and as if this is not enough, it is gifting me with more and more questions every day!

Life ho toh aisi.. ;)

War Child

The tears that hurt the most, the cry which pains the most, the tears which never wet your eyes.. The silent tears.. Pain without tears.. Tears without water..

This is not a ramble.. This is something understood by the ones who have felt it. When you cry so much, that the eyes dry up, never to wet again. When you have seen so much pain, that the pain becomes your existence. When, when you know death by first name, and death is what is your friend, your enemy, your soul mate. Death is what makes you live, death is what makes you move, death is what rules you. When the only dance you have seen is of fear and chaos, of hatred and death. That is when you are born, a "War Child"...

Do you remember the "Blood Diamond"? Do you remember the "Baai"?

Emmanuel Jal.. The war child.. The soul of a man, who survived all the odds to tell the world a story of hope and faith.. A river that flew against every possible obstacle.. A journey of "hundred miles, that began with just one step."

Emmanuel, who was born in war torn Sudan, whose childhood was like any other child, who wanted to grow up to his naive dreams.. Everything came crashing down with the war, the war for oil. Dragged in hatred, dumped by destiny, he found himself following the war cry, in the shoes of a child soldier. The journey from a naive kid, to a child soldier, to be one of the thousands of lost children.. Killed by time, surviving on faith, Emmanuel lives to tell his tale!

WAR CHILD.. A must read for the one who try to define black and white.. War Child, a must for the ones like me, who crush themselves against the small turmoils of life.. War Child, a must read for me, you, he, she, everyone..

In Emmanuel's own words: "I had sown a seed and happy are those who sow in tears, for they shall reap in joy."

Loving Kindness

Inspiring next..

Loving Kindness, by His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

Right from the moment of
our birth,
We are under the care
and kindness of our parents
and then later on in our life
when we are oppressed
by sickness
and become old,
we are dependent
on the kindness of others.
Since at the beginning
and end of our lives
we are so dependent on
other's kindness,
how can it be
that in the middle
we neglect kindness
towards others?

Valentine's Promise..

Shuffling through my old docs, I found this letter.. It was start of a serendipitous relation; which soon afterwards, reached a crossroad.. That's but natural for a flowing river, the twists and turns make it's flow more serene!

But, the one's who consider these twists an end of their journey, I am not one of those.. The twists twitch you a bit, to improve on turns, and the flow gets smoother and smoother, till a point where not only the river, but the stones also roll.. That's when we find pebbles.. Twists and turns are nothing, but the necessary factors, to make one realize the worth of "Life". At least, it did make me realize..

And so, with renewed spirits, regenerated mindset; the emotions still hold the same fragrance.. Love seldom changes.. St. Valentines was unique.. So would this letter be..

"
My Life,

it’s been great knowing you and being friends! The serendipitous friendship, a sweet mistake of chance that we’ve experienced has gradually developed into an immaculate relation! I’m sure, the small seedling is going to develop into a gorgeous tree, n this poem is dedicated to that gradual growth! I don’t know who wrote these lines, but they touch my heart & soul... Thus, here’s a small gift for a very special friend..

PROMISE !!!

If I had to promise you something, what would it be?

I can’t promise that you would always be comfortable..
Because comfort brings boredom & discomfort.

I can’t promise that all your desires will be fulfilled…
Because desires, whether fulfilled or unfulfilled bring frustration.

I can’t promise that there will always be good time…
Because it is tough time that makes us appreciate joy.

I can’t promise that we will be rich or famous or powerful…
Because they can all be pathways to misery.

I can’t promise that we will always be together…
Because it is separation that makes togetherness so wonderful.

Yet if you are willing to walk with me,
If you are willing to value love over everything else,
I promise that this will be the most rich & fulfilled life possible.

I promise your life will be an eternal celebration,
I promise I’ll cherish you more than
A king cherishes his crown,
And I shall love you more than
A mother loves her new born.

If you are willing to walk into my arms,
If you are willing to live in my heart,
You will find the one you have waited for ever…
You will meet yourself in my arms…
I Promise!

(By Unknown Author)

Love,

Dee Dee
"

New vocab..

A study by an American develops a new word for Indian "Dhanyawad".. Ta..!!

A study by an American social work student revealed that Indians used a pretty complicated word, "Dhanyawaad" for a simple gesture of expressing gratitude. So, going with the hot and hip trend, on the eve of the Saint Valentines, she recommended a new phrase for all those guys and gals, who would be keen on wrapping up the formalities.. Just say "Ta", and the road's clear.. ;)

Ta, Ma'am..!!

;)) lol

The Paradox of Our Age

The divine intervention is here.. After the rendezvous with Kahlil Gibran, I have the lines written by another person, the person, who's mere touch changed my life.. Let me present to you, from, His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama..

The Paradox of Our Age

We have bigger houses but smaller families;
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicines, but less healthiness;
We’ve been all the way to moon and back,
But have trouble crossing the street to meet
the new neighbor.
We built more computers to hold
more information
To produce more copies than ever,
But have less communication;
We have become long way on quantity
But short on quality.
These are times of fast foods
But slow digestion;
Tall man but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It is a time when there is much in the window,
But nothing in the room.

- HH The XIV Dalai Lama

Beyond the paradox.. Meeting with His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama

9 years of..

This video, created for the 9th anniversary of Friends' Society, speaks of the journey of Friends', from a craddle baby, to a toddler..

(Thanks Srividya for making this amazing video.. Cheers!)

Frd.

Darshan, what does the "Frd." behind your name stands for?

I have encountered this question several times, and have realized, the abbreviation is serving it's purpose, attracting attention to my name! ;) (The naturally unattractive need some tricks to arouse interest..)

On a serious note, it's acronym for my first love..

As a child, when I used to see people with title's such as "Dr.", "Prof.", "Lion", Rot.", etc., I used to wonder, how would it be to have a general title, which will exist irrespective of being a "Miss" or a "Mr" or a "Dr"..?? Eventually, in time, came in reality, my dream, my life, my child, my first love.. Friends' Society.. This was an opportunity for me to create our own title.. And, as stupid as I was, I started with "Fr." for "Friend".. There came a day, when I had to write to an American pastor, and bang came his reply, which church are you a "Father" of? Because, "Fr" is officially accepted acronym for Father.. To clear the confusion, and make the title more explicit, we added a 'd' to it, to make it "Frd."

'Frd' that stand for Friend.. Friend of one and all.. Friend of that what is alive, and that what has no life.. Friend of that what has a voice, and that what does not have a voice.. Friend of me, you, the trees, the nature, the globe.. A friend promoting "Universal brotherhood.. Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam"

Inspiration

I was wondering what to post on blog.. Not that I have nothing to say.. Rather, as usual, I have more to say than I can! But, at this point, it might be important for me to consider, that I need to post something worth reading.. And that emerging from my writing skills, seems tough.. ;-)

So, wait n watch.. A divine intervention's gonna make this blog more interesting.. Keep a tab on this label.. ;-)

Khuda ke Liye

Hey, don't worry.. It's not gonna be another movie review..

After seeing this movie, I realized why I might have labeled these posts identity.. If you have seen the movies, you will realize it immediately! The identity crisis of two youth, between what they believe and what they are made to believe..

Another common thread in these movies: the "trash can" attitude towards women. India and Pakistan have been free for more than half a century now, but are we as individuals free? Before I go to we, are the women, as our mothers, sisters, partners, are they free? Our scriptures worship them, we are taught to respect them, rather, we derive our life from them! And what about their lives? Do we let them live? I would not say, the story is same across the spectrum, but it is mostly the same. Till date, there are not many households where women are free in true nature. I myself have failed at times in living up to the ideal of respecting the one from whom I derived strength. Thanks to her, she made me realize where I was wrong! But, what about the plight of million's others? Why in one of the most democratic and developed economies of the world, the United States, do we need domestic violence help centers? Why the rich cultural traditions of South-East Asia give rise to the need of "Kiran", the South Asian women's help center on my campus?

Are we ever going to learn, that "she" is the one who gave us life, "she" is the one who gives u strength, "she" is the one who helps us live.. Do we recognize their identity?

DO WE???

Khamosh Paani..

First of all, why did I label this new series of posts with "Identity"..? I am not sure.. Might find answer in coming posts..

Has anyone of you seen this movie? What have been your remarks? I am yet digesting the movie.. And before that, the next one is going to start.. So, I will come back with both, Khamosh Paani, and Khuda ke Liye..

Till then, on personal front, Punjabi is amazing.. I am in love with that language. Rarely does it happen in life that you find the real things as good as you had imagined. It was for the first time that I heard Punjabi for an hour and a half.. Very sweet language.. Like tinkling of bells.. I would be lying if I claimed that I understood every word of it, but I did relate to every word of it..

Jo Bole So Nihal, Sat Shri Akaal..!!

(Nothing religious about it..)

need..

It is on days like today, when my belief is reinforced.. The belief in having the right person at the right moment with you.. Especially, when you are "human", and not at all wanting to be anything else.. This is when, a pat, a warm squeeze, a hug, just a word, anything from the right person is more important than a breath..

The walk on the rope gets really difficult, when there is no one to find on the other side.. No one to keep your sight on, to keep you stable through your walk.. Reminds me of an Akbar-Birbal tale, where an old man survived a night standing in freezing cold water, just staring at a lamp at distance, knowing that a lamp exists, and it radiates the warmth..

There has to be a mode of strength, hope.. For river to flow, water needs to exist..

Miss the one to talk to.. Miss the one..

crushed..

Was dreaming of playing around with words to express the "surreal" feeling of meeting Dr. Yunus.. Had no clue, the emotion is going to be so fast crushed under the reality of time..

"You should be grateful, you have this opportunity.." How many times does a receiver/individual who is benefited, gets to hear these words? How does it make him feel? What is it in a donors/good doers/opportunity providers mind, that they ought to make the beneficiary realize the same, again, and again, and yet again? "नेकी कर, कुए में डाल.." That's what they say.. Do good, forget about it.. Yes, that is idealistic world, and this is realistic.. But, for all those psychologists, ain't it an interesting field of research for you all?? I would seriously like to know the psychology behind this..

What does this have to do with me? Lots.. Just because I am awarded a fellowship, and I have "a window of opening, and opportunity", I should be grateful, and with utmost humility, accept the package as and what! If I flex my muscles, and get the things done the best suited way for me, I should keep in mind, "I have had the opportunity to get it my way", now no more asking.. I am a vegetarian, and because I got a vegetarian meal once, I should not grump further for vegetarian meal, but accept the non-vegetarian food being served.. Does this metaphor explain?

Any way, "मोडेन, पण वाकणार नाही.." I remember this from my school days.. Sorry, nothing at the cost of self-respect! No one gets to trample that..

The pioneer...

This had to be uploaded.. I still cannot believe that it happened! An opportunity to interact with the one, who has created an "atypical" system in the "typical" world.. An opportunity to hear him, not from miles apart, but from a distance not more than two meters.. Sitting in the VIP seat, right across from where he was speaking..

Today, I had an opportunity I would cherish, an opportunity to hear Dr. Muhammad Yunus, the Nobel Peace Prize winner. But, he is much beyond that award, it his his life, that speaks of himself!

And yes, I got a copy of his book too, signed by him personally.. Second of my possessions, that would be really tough to give away.. The first being the book signed by His Holiness the Dalai Lama!

I will be back with lots about this morning.. Till then, adios..

Women are..

Ohh mann, this blog was getting so serious! Mind you, my life's much better.. The "Ohh mann" proves that.. ;)..

I am sure, all guys would agree to what's coming next, @ one of the, or the, most important factor of our lives: Women... And, for my "women" friends, I have not written this, so please spare me of the rod.. ;).. Enjoy..

WOMEN ARE COMPLEX CREATURES…!

If you praise her,
She thinks you are lying;
If you don’t,
You are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes,
You are a wimp;
If you don’t,
You are not understanding.

If you visit her often,
She thinks you are boring;
If you don’t,
She accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed,
She says you are a playboy;
If you don’t,
You are a dull boy.

If you are jealous,
She says its bad;
If you don’t,
She thinks you do not love her.

If you kiss her,
You are not a gentleman;
If you don’t,
You are not a man.

If you attempt a romance,
She says you don’t respect her;
If you don’t,
She thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late,
She complains it’s hard to wait;
If she is late,
She says that’s a girl’s way.

If you visit another men,
You are not putting in “quality time”;
If she is visited by another women,
“Oh, it’s natural, we are girls!”

If you kiss her once in a while,
She professes you are cold;
If you kiss her often,
She yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street,
You lack ethics;
If you do,
She thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction.

If you stare at another woman,
She accuses you of flirting;
If she is stared by other men,
She says that they are just admiring.

If you talk,
She wants you to listen;
If you listen,
She wants you talk.

In short :
So simple, yet so COMPLEX…
So weak, yet so POWERFUL…
So confusing, yet so DESIRABLE…
So damning, yet so WONDERFUL…

………………WOMEN!

normal day..

It was a normal day.. Nothing much that happened.. But, these are the days that count the most! The two most significant events of the day were: I wished I had a big stomach so that I could eat as much as I wished (the food at the Indian restaurant was really good, especially fruit custard).. Second, just finished watching "Born in brothels.." (I would rather keep silent about it, and leave it upto you to watch it..)

As at the end of every day, at the end of this normal day too..