Ija - Bija - Tija

Life always gives a second chance... And whatever happens twice, has to happen thrice! The Ija, the Bija, the Tija...

What goes round, comes round... Kar bhala, to ho bhala...Life's deeds are a cycle... Sow, shall you reap!

I used to always hear these in and around me. Coming from a family of simpleton's, who believe in some natural power and the cycle of good and bad deeds, these theories were spices in their ingredients of faith. Me being an agnostic, I used to be selective with such spicy theories. 'Not much for me in there' kinds. But, life has it's own way to prove what it ought to... But let me clear, I do not wish to say that I yet believe in the theory, just that I have experienced enough coincidences, so as not to disqualify someone else' assumptions.

As usual, I'll draw it from my own life's example: 2004 - 2007 - 2010,  the three years that came exactly at an interval of 3 years, changed my life considerably. Actually, those who know me, know that there's not been a single day that's not had a significant event for me (Sanyu, I can see you smiling...). These are just three years that repeated a pattern.

Let's start in 2004... Three years after I passed my XII boards and approximately two years after I started with my engineering. I was at one of the lowest points of my career, absolutely not keeping up with demands of engineering. Was ready to leave it and do what I wanted to (don't ask me what cos have no clue!). Finally, took a break of an year (or you might wanna call it "failed") and chose to step back and decide what I wanted. Application to the Camp America started... That's when I was in States for the first time, for 3 months. Through this time, my diary of unposted letters to her was what gave me an analysis of my surroundings and helped me make my opinions. Made me realize what I wanted...

2007... Done with engineering! Want to do something now, but again, have no clue, what I wanna do! Opportunity to apply for Rotary Peace Fellowship comes up. As usual, the typical me refuses, because, I am unsure. Some one jumps on the boat and pushes me to apply. Works for my Resume and statement. She's already made the most significant impact on Friends' Society. FS is scaling new heights. Now, it is my turn to scale up with the Rotary Fellowship. At the last moment when I am supposed to finish off the application, jumps out of the boat...

2010... Getting done with Rotary program! What's next? Again, not sure... Some skies clear up, options start showing. I am making choices, and an opportunity comes up. I need to make another application. Someone again materializes from thin air, as if it was pre-planned. We connect, the work starts, it seems the clouds are clearing. finally, there might be a respite! Things get to the peak, and bang goes it... A splash and the person's already jumped out of it.

All three turning points in my career, three different people at every point, all of them playing the crucial role of making me do what I did, being the tipping points. But at THE moment when I needed them most, three of them vanished. Apparently, no logical reasoning or lay-man theory could justify the vanishing act. But possibly the locus of control of my life at that moment seem to disappear in thin air, leaving me in shatters. It always felt as if everything was coming crashing down and nothing would rise again. But, on contrary, every time it turned out to be a gigantic leap for me, an U-turn, testament of my faith in the impeccable powers of one's will! How do I justify the irony of tears of pain accompanied with the laughter of achievement? Do I share the pain or do I go back to the person causing the pain, to share the joy of the moment. The moment that they were responsible for creating. The moment, that's gonna change my life, but they would not be a part of it anymore...

Actually, if I look back further, this is not something which started in 2004. March 1999, I'm erupting with excitement of starting something anew. I discuss the concept of Friends' Society with one of the very few of my friends, my "muhboli behan," rakhi sister. She's excited... Right into it... We start working on the concept. She's taken the responsibility of designing the logo for FS. I'm working on other aspects, the invites, the program, the blah blah blah... Career wise, it was crucial point too, it was my board exams. And, my last paper of boards, March 28. FS is to be launched on April 1, 3 days in hand. Morning of 29th, and my land line rings. I receive the call, she's on the other end, "Darshan, I am sorry, I cannot continue." Me: "What about the logo?" She: "Sorry, I cannot do it. I have asked X to work on it, pls. contact him." Again, no humane reason, no justification or clarification, a blunt statement. I was too naive then to look for a pattern in it or search for a reason. Possibly there was no time to think about it. And the excitement had no bounds, thus FS was formed and the flow started...

I wish I was the same now, as then. Living the moment, letting go off the past! Alas, it is 2010 and not 1999. The fact is, I've changed. Bruised and burnt, but not yet learnt from my own stories. Too naive yet to think, life's too small to delete living people outta it. Some day, either the life will change or me...

P.S.: This post is not to blame anyone or to point fingers at anyone. It is about the life's journey and the patterns that appear through it, like Richard Bach's "One." I am more than grateful for all the four ladies mentioned above, for their faith in me at those times, their support and unwavering affection. I'm grateful for having a wonderful family and bunch of friends, who stood by, irrespective of me under-valuing them and taking them for granted. This post is just a story of my life, the way I see it. An acknowledgment of the natural powers that start where the scientific reasoning ends. Because, there's never an answer to "Why?"