The story..

"What's the real story??"

I am surprised that there are friends keeping a track of this blog.. Hmmm.. But, there's no story! It might be, that experiences over several incidences, have lead to the change of perspective, but that's all about it!

The transition started long back, realization dawned pretty late. I assume, I've always been a slow learner.. The latest trigger was, just before I left for India in December..

Those few days were the terrible days of my stay in US. Disturbed hours, sleepless nights, haunting dreams, a horrible hollowness in stomach.. It was an emotion, you would not want to feel. Was counting every moment, just to get back.. Get back where? I had no answer.. I didn't want to go back to India.. I didn't want to be here.. I didn't know what I wished to do.. Somehow, pushed every moment, till the time when I had to go for my final exam.. After more than 72 hours without sleep, I land up in that examination hall, scribble on that paper, and walk out. Head home for a cold shower, and then, I need to get ready to go for a mandatory evening, the annual ball of my school..

Heading down the ally of the ball room, into the hall, all "decked up" (that's what my cohort said..), it was a "sheek" look outside, but chaos of emotions inside me! To my surprise, the evening turns out to be great for me, full of laughter and light moments. The ball's over, and we all decide to head on to a bar; to drink, to let our foot loose..

Dim lights, close bunch of friends, lots of people, surmounting chatter, all accompanied with awesome live band. The evening was being shaped perfect, till a moment when something started sinking again, mind started wandering, expressions becoming gloomy.. And, and in this transient emotion, a friend coerced me to the dance floor. It was long time since I had let off my body, just let go off myself.. I am on the floor, a few other people are on the floor too, so is this friend and her boy friend, all enjoying the guitar, and tapping to the beats of the drums. Into this mood, getting absorbed by the music, the energy, the flow of the time; I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up, and there she is, asking me for a dance. What a pleasure, the evening peak: dance with a beautiful lady. We sway, we move, and I realize, her boy friend is dancing alone. (me) "Hey, don't you think you should be dancing with him instead of me?" (she) "No! Rather, he suggested that I dance with you, cos you are alone here, but we have each other, and will be dancing together later."

................................. My mind is blank. A simple gesture according to her, had made me realize the biggest thing of my life! A boom rang had just hit me.. I was caught unawares.. That moment had changed everything.. That moment made me realize what the emptiness was.. What the fear and the chaos was.. it was at that moment, that I came to terms with my worst mistake, a failure, a loss..