For all those who are planning to visit my dear, incredible Indyaahh..
FAQ:
"
Apparently these are the answers to travel queries in India; the actual responses by the website officials who obviously have an excellent sense of humour! In any case, it's a hilarious read...
Q: Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: I want to wal
k from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ....... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.Q: Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions..
Q: Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it.
Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in
Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available allyear round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/ gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: Do you have perfume in India? ( France)A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.
Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)
"
(Taken from an internet forward.. Images, courtesy Google!)
And.. I forgot to mention.. This email is thanks to an amazing friend of mine.. KAMAKSHI.. You rock.. (And sorry, missed you on the earlier post.. Love ya!)
7 comments:
Hey, this reminded me of a few real life questions I have been asked.. If you have witty answers, throw them here..
1) Do you have elephants and snake charmers everywhere?
2) Do you have Mercedes Benz brand cars?
3) What do people wear?
4) How do people communicate with each other? (In community)
And beat this...
5) Does "Yoga" enhance sexual capacities? And, is that the reason behind India's high population..??
To answer those questions:
1) (drawing inspiration from the original) Only where significant numbers of Americans gather.
2) Erm, what's that? What are brandcars? And why does Mercedes bend them?
3) Traditionally, leaves and grass if we can find them. But of late USAID and the WB have been donating shirts. What would we do without foreign charity?
4) Mostly through smoke signals, but of late there's been this interesting development called homing pigeons...
5) Yeah, we all wake up and do some yoga first thing in the morning, before heading out on our elephants to meet the snake charmer on the street corner.
Or something.
I'd like to qualify this post (my first on blogger! yay!) by saying that I'm just messing around, and I don't mean to typecast any identity, and that many of my non-Indian friends know more about my culture than I know about most cultures, and that therefore if someone does actually ask a seemingly ignorant question in real life, they almost always do so with the best of intentions, and that I would NOT try to be witty or answer them flippantly.
Welcome to blog world.. And that was really witty.. (And diplomatic too..) Let's see, who can outsmart you.. ;)
No no no no, you got that last one wrong. Shall I let you in on a secret? It's actually all the hippo-racing that fuels our sexual appetites. You see, that's why people are asked to come naked! And now it all makes sense... :P
Kamakshi, you seem pretty experienced.. :P
yeah right. there go my efforts at being funny, and you're honestly saying that after knowing me relatively well! :P
Ans 5. Yoga in a bed of nails makes us Indians dynamite. And makes our population explode.
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